Hello guys today I will show you what is the secret of communication by giving you a summary of one of the best book on this topic so let's start
Author = Jack Schafer
This book includes many stories of friends and how to make one. The author was an FBI agent and he tells his story of how he created a great friendship with a foreign spy who wasn't ready to speak a word also in start So here it goes as the spy was caught and was in jail the author first used to visit him every day but he spoke nothing and just read his newspaper in front of him this created a curiosity in spy mind then one-day spy asked him why you visit me every day to which author doesn't reply creating more curiosity then the author used two psychological principal ie“the principle of scarcity” and the “principle of increased restraint increases drive.” to make friends which is explained in detail in the book So according to the author, there are five stages of friendship 👭 Stranger(never talked) Acquaintance( few talks ) friends(many talks) Close friends( sharing everything) and Significant other ( life partner type). So if you want to make friendship at any one stage it will depend not on your looks or money but by increasing Proximity ( closing physical distance) Frequency( Number of time you talk in a day) Duration( for how many time you talked) Impact ( How strongly you can satisfy his/her emotional need). This will decide how close your friendship 👭 is.
Below are things you should never forget in improving your social skills which i learn from this book
The Friendship Formula consists of four basic building blocks: proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. These four elements can be expressed using the following mathematical formula: 2) When you meet people, especially for the first time, ensure that you send the right nonverbal cues that allow others to see you in a positive rather than neutral or negative light. 3) They are the “eyebrow flash,” “head tilt,” and the real, as opposed to fake, “smile” (yes, the human brain can detect the difference!). 4) If you make people feel good about themselves, they will like you. 5) The purpose of compliments is to praise others and acknowledge their accomplishments. 6) LAWS OF FRIENDSHIP
1) law of common ground (find something similar between you both ) 2) the law of self-disclosure(show a true self-image of yours not a fake one 3) law of attractiveness( Always follow good hygiene and dress style 4) law of humor. ( Only humor can reduce the gap so develop this) 5) law of familiarity 6) law of association 7) law of self-esteem ( people with high self-esteem, rejection is part of life, not a reflection on their self-worth.) 7) The more you can encourage the other person to speak, the more you listen to what they say, display empathy, and respond positively when reacting to their comments, the greater the likelihood that person will feel good about themselves 8) LOVE (Listen, Observe, Vocalize, and Empathize).new definition 9) “Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait to hear the answer.” Wise counsel! 10) Attraction and interest, for example, are communicated much more by the tone of voice than by the words being spoken. 11) A deep, low-pitched voice conveys romantic interest. A high-pitched voice conveys surprise or skepticism. A loud voice will give the impression that you are overbearing. Dominating a conversation violates the Golden Rule of 12) Use of elicitation ( suggestion instead of the question) 13) general, people are reluctant to talk about themselves and how they really feel about someone or 14) In your friendship toolbox, the empathy tool will be one of your most often used and effective techniques for shaping successful relationships. 15) C = Compassion/concern A = Active listening R = Reinforcement E = Empathy 16) “If there is anyone secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
In the end, if you master these skills your chances of getting success is almost 100%
because whatever you do in life communication is a must-learn skill without it you cant succeed
About the Author
John R. “Jack” Schafer, Ph.D., is a psychologist, professor, intelligence consultant, and former FBI Special Agent. Dr. Schafer spent fifteen years conducting counter-intelligence and counter-terrorism investigations, and seven years as a behavioral analyst for the FBI’s National Security Division’s Behavioral Analysis Program. He developed spy recruitment techniques, interviewed terrorists, and trained agents in the art of interrogation and persuasion. Dr. Schafer contributes online pieces for Psychology Today Magazine, has authored/co-authored six books and has published numerous articles in professional and popular journals. He is a professor with the School of Law Enforcement and Criminal Justice at Western Illinois University
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